Get your money machine.

Back in schooldays, I remember, we learned about the invention of the perpetual motion machine.
Sir Edison Fignewton invented it in England at the dawn of the industrial age. It was an unprecedented breakthrough in human progress, comparable only to the invention of the wheel.
What’s amazing is that today we have, believe it or not, an earthshattering development of similar technology magnitude:
The money machine.
This thing is humankind’s next quantum leap in our march to mastery of earth’s assets. Have you heard about it?
According to the techies, the device is really nothing more than a trap, like, you know, a better mousetrap. Except that,  instead of snagging worthless mice, this contraption captures money! What a lucrative innovation this is going to be. I’ve got the inside scoop if you’re got some idle cash to wager.

Originally designed as an agricultural implement, this amazing machine has been ingeniously modified for applications in financial ranching. It rustles up stray assets and corrals them into riskfree herds, then secures them in a tumbleweed hedge. Venturesome bull-market-bustin’ cowboys can then drive the dogies to market and swap ’em out as the opportune defaults arise.

In the great Wild, Wall West, it’s every bull-market-rider’s dream contraption.This thing is going to be an instant classic of monetary innovation.
I wish I’d have thought of it.
I mean, the sheer simplicity of it, and yet this incredible instrument is seamlessly crafted with state-of-the-art derivative workmanship. Just thinking about its awesome mortgage-skimming potential gives me goose-that-laid the-golden-egg bumps.
This thing is going to change the world. I mean, it bundles up all those would-be toxic assets, synthesizes ’em into bio-bullshit fuel and  powers up the profits like a well-oiled engine.

And its the epitome of discreet efficiency, just like its predecessor, the perpetual motion machine. To watch the thing in operation–you’d never know anything was happening–almost like it’s runnin’ on nothin’–on thin air, like the Fed, or on geo-powered pressure, like the BP gusher. Pretty damn slick.
Like I said, I’ve got the inside on this. Get in on the floor level, because we have met the future, baby, and he is us.

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